Hello everyone, between January 17 – January 24 I will be in England as I was selected to participate in the ceremony for my eldest uncles funeral who had passed on December 20 last year. Even though Jenny and I will message everyday it will be the first time I won’t be physically by her side since the accident. It will be an extremely difficult time for her but in the end it is another part of the journey she must go through.

Safe travels to everyone.

As Day Sixty-Two & Three ends, Jenny completes her third weekend at Riverview Health Centre. As a reminder, during the weekends there is no therapy activities and it’s essentially “free” time which sounds nice at first but for Jenny weekends are full of longing as she just wants go home but is not permitted to at this point.

However, in comparison to last weekend this weekend was a lot easier to manage for Jenny because of the recent permission granted for Tofu, our orange tabby cat, being allowed to stay with her at Riverview as long as I am there to monitor their activity.

Even though there is no therapy over the weekends, she is still highly encouraged to walk. Every time they ask her, she refuses but eventually they do bring her anyway. She is currently under the status “two-person assist” meaning whatever she does, it requires two people to assist or monitor her. During her walks she goes to the end of the floor (from the West wing to the East wing and back) and does this twice a day. Each walk takes about 10-12 minutes as Jenny walks very slowly, often stuttering her steps as her balance still has a lot left to improve on.

As Day Sixty-One ends, Jenny is having a particularly rough day following the x-ray procedure yesterday which continues to cause her right shoulder and arm a lot of pain.

Today at Speech & Language Pathology, Jenny was asked the usual series of normal questions and for the first time, Jenny was able to remember the correct date of my birthday without assistance or hints. She would usually have to be given hints to arrive to the correct date. The next activity was more advanced than just pairing pictures and words – it was pairing the purpose of the pictures to words that you had to think about on your own with no help. For example, there was a picture of a flower, a bicycle, a pen and a house and she would be asked “Which of these do you write with?”

Though she only got about 50% of the answers right, the one error that stuck out to me was when she was given four animals: a snake, a cow, a bee and a duck. She was then asked

“Which animal gives you milk?”

and after thinking about it for a moment she said

“The bee.”

The S.L.P. therapist asked again

“Are you sure it’s the bee?”

And Jenny responded

“Yes the bee.”

She still gives a lot of incorrect answers for S.L.P. activities, some where you and I would not even hesitate to answer in a flash because we know it’s correct but Jenny’s brain sometimes just cannot arrive to that point. I am told once she gives the correct answer for about 75% of an activity, they will move her onto the next complex tier of it.

I had brought our cat Tofu today and when we got back to her room he was waiting in her rehab bed in an adorable position and I had to take a photo if it.

As Day Sixty ends, today is a unique day because it is X-Ray day. For the first time since Jenny left Health Sciences Centre she is getting an x-ray again to see the progress of her bones repairing. However, this would be the first time she is getting an x-ray while awake and conscious which would end up causing more obstacles than I expected.

There is an x-ray machine at Riverview itself but the trek to get there is quite a distance. There is an entire underground tunnel complex that connects the three major buildings together (Riverview Health Center, Riverview Administration Building and the Neuromuscular and Electrodiagnostic Clinic). The x-ray machine is located at farthest point in the Neuromuscular and Electrodiagnostic Clinic at the other end of the entire area.

From Jenny’s room, walking the entire way with the numerous elevators it takes about 12 minutes to get to the X-ray location. Once we got there, due to a backup we had to wait in the cramped hallway for an additional half an hour. When we were invited in and the procedure began, this is when the difference between Jenny being conscious and unconscious played a noticeable role. They had to move Jenny’s right arm a lot of times to get it into position for the x-rays. With the ongoing condition of Jenny’s right arm, this caused her an immense amount of pain. She still cannot rotate her wrists palm up to palm down nor raise her right hand past her shoulders and she cannot even extend her right arm so the complex movements needed to get her arm in place for the x-rays was a painful ordeal to witness. In hindsight, I am curious if her being unconscious also meant that her arm was unlocked and could be moved freely because if that is true then that would mean her right arm condition is completely neurological instead of muscular. I do not know, but I will make a note and ask of it next time we are at Health Sciences Centre – hopefully they will remember her specific case.

After the x-rays, by random fortune I had brought some of Jenny’s favorite food from a local Chinese restaurant. I did not tell her I brought it until after the x-rays and she was very happy to this surprise because she at least had something she could enjoy after going through that difficult procedure.

As Day Fifty-Nine ends, I learned some key information from the Speech & Language Pathologist in how to talk with Jenny as her brain is recovering. Jenny still says a lot of incorrect information, believing in her mind that Event X and Event Y happened even though it isn’t possible or they’re not related. Instead of correcting her, I should redirect and support her to arrive to the proper answer herself but if she cannot I should just openly say what the answer is after a few attempts. It is definitely a different approach than what is traditionally taught (to let someone solve it on their own until they arrive at the correct answer).

At Physiotherapy and Occupational Therapy, Jenny played a special form of basketball. Starting with her left hand, she would try to throw the balls into a basket about 3 meters away. This is supposed to help control her left arm dexterity but also gauge her depth perception because she can still only use her one eye. With her left hand she did extremely well getting the majority of basketballs in the basket. We then tried using her right arm… but Jenny could not even throw the ball ½ meter away. She could only hold the ball and drop it due to her right arm’s condition. However, even being able to hold the ball is a monumental step and everyone was really proud of her.

As Day Fifty-Eight ends, a vital and monumental turning point occurs on the road to Jenny’s recovery. It is known that Jenny does not have any family members in Canada but that is not 100% completely true. She does have one secret family member and today they were approved to visit her at Riverview. I’d like to introduce Jenny’s one and only family member here in Canada.

Please say hello to Tofu, our orange tabby cat.

With special permission granted to us, Jenny now has this important additional in-person support which will most definitely help her morale and even help the return of her memory.

Today is New Years Eve 2023 and this is the end of today’s update. It was very short but very sweet as todays update marks the day our cat Tofu was granted permission to visit Riverview and be with Jenny under my supervision. There are quite a few things I need to go and prepare for in saying goodbye to this unforgettable, life-changing and definitively the most challenging year in our lives.

Jenny and I graciously wish you all a warm, safe and memorable passage into Year 2024.

As Day Fifty-Six ends, today marks the end of Jenny’s second weekend at Riverview. She has no therapy activities today so instead I took her on a grand wheelchair tour through every (allowed) corner of the complex and ended at the Solarium – a large circular shaped room built in a way where the sun can shine through.

For the rest of the evening we had a calm, uneventful day watching shows I knew Jenny had already watched at least once but had no current memory of in the hopes it would help jog her memory back.

As Day Fifty-Seven ends, the Riverview team have decided to finally remove Jenny’s pick line from her left arm that’s been there since the night of the accident back on October 1, 2023. In a symbolic way of showing just how little I understand of the many things happening around me, it is only on this very last day of Jenny’s pick line that I learned “pick” line is an abbreviation. Everyone has been saying “P.I.C.C.” line which stands for “Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter” line.

As my final homage to the now correctly acknowledged P.I.C.C. line and for those like me who are just now only learning what it really stood for, a P.I.C.C. line is used for giving medication such as antibiotics, blood transfusions and/or I.V. fluids directly into your veins but can also be used in reverse and quickly take blood samples. I also learned a P.I.C.C. line is not just some small needle that is inserted into your vein but it is an extremely long, super thin needle that not only goes inside your vein but it follows the entire vein all the way directly into your heart.

As for Jenny’s activities today, she was brought into S.L.P. (Speech & Language Pathology) and participated in the usual questionnaires but today she was given a new and more difficult activity called “Cancellation” where she would get a sheet filled with symbols and would have to identify then cross out all copies of a certain symbol within the pattern. I believe that this specific activity would be quite difficult for anyone, even without a traumatic brain injury.

During Jenny’s first week of rehab I made sure to clear out my schedule as much as possible so I could be there and support her every step of the way but as today begins Jenny’s second week of rehab I could no longer be present for all activities. I had to leave before her scheduled Occupational Therapy or Physiotherapy. I continue to visit Jenny every day but more often than not I can only arrive in the evening after all her therapies are complete.

As Day Fifty-Four ends, it was one of the inevitable days where I had to start realizing what position I was in and put all my effort into setting aside my emotions in order to continue proceeding with the due diligence of being an adult following an accident of this magnitude. I spent the day filling out more documents involving Manitoba Public Insurance, Service Canada and Bank/Credit Unions while trying to get the signatures of different physicians and professionals for submission to those institutions. I was all over the city all day long and I did not see Jenny until the evening.

When I did finally arrive, I was so extremely exhausted. I was only running on water as I had not yet eaten a single thing over the entire day as there was no time for me to eat. I did not have food with me and Jenny already had dinner by that time so I was planning to buy something at the cafeteria on-site but I wanted to see Jenny first before I went because Jenny was all I had to look forward to that day. When I did finally walk into her room I saw her looking at the ground and when she noticed me she only glanced at me for a second then looked back towards the ground.

“Why did it take you so long to come here today?”

I had to explain to her I was all over the city doing so many different things. Jenny sort of shrugged it off and continued to be sad. This sadness persisted through the entire evening as I tried to explain to her that it is absolutely necessary all this paperwork needs to be done and of all the people in the world there is only one person that has legal authority to fill out and submit all this paperwork on her behalf and that person was me. Jenny still continued to have a negative attitude anyway simply because I was not able to be with her the entire day.

It is clear that the current Jenny cannot recognize the sacrifices I am making with my time, my body, my mind and my spirit. Instead of being a boon of happiness when I get to see her she instead is making my days dreadful by being bitter whenever I arrive because I cannot constantly spend the entire day with her right now. If I’m doing things on her behalf that require me to move throughout the city I cannot possibly be physically beside her at the rehab center. She does not understand this concept and I am now being guilted for not being there for her. I just have to take it and suffer while blindly pushing myself to continue doing the right thing. As I feel beaten, trapped, unappreciated, thinned out and exhausted I have no choice but to keep going anyway. I keep telling myself no matter how much I am suffering, Jenny is the one who is suffering more and I know she is because every single evening I spend with her at nearly the same time like clockwork she cries in excruciating pain as her body and bones repair itself. I feel helpless while also feeling defeated. Compounded with my accumulating lack of sleep and accumulating lack of food intake I begin to feel the start of a spiraling descent into the looming dread and true exhaustion.

As Day Fifty-Five begins, Jenny’s second weekend at Riverview begins. I received a phone call from Riverview Health Center early in the morning and thought it was a routine call or an update from one of the nurses. To a surprise which shocked me to my core, after I picked up and said

“Hi Riverview.”

I heard an unfamiliar voice say something in the most familiar way possible.

“…honey?”

It was my very first time hearing that particular voice from a phone call since all the way back from September 30th – the day before the accident. To me, time stood still for that brief moment and I went through a rush of countless emotions all at once. Hearing her voice over the phone is such an ordinary concept but after all this time it had so much significance that it is indescribable.

Jenny called me from the Riverview landline and to do this she must have rolled her wheelchair to the front desk and specifically requested to call me with approval and assist from all the staff. I do not remember what I initially responded with nor how long the conversation was but I know it wasn’t long because I do remember saying something along the lines of

“I’m so, so happy to hear your voice like this over the phone but don’t take too much of the nurses and staff time! They need to do their work! I’ll see you later!”

In hindsight, I wish I could sometimes be a bit more selfish and consciously choose to extend significant, grateful moments whenever they occur but my personality and character do not let me act in that manner. I wonder how much happiness I could have provided Jenny by staying on the line just a little bit longer.

When I arrived today she began crying and said she missed me a lot.

Jenny and I would like to take this moment to send our warmest wishes to you and all your loved ones from our little corner of the world to yours. Even after eighty-five days following her accident there are still no words to describe the emotions that persist from your continued support.

Jenny is beginning to regain her proper memories once more and will one day soon have her own moment in realizing the grand scope of just how many people across the world are rooting for her. I will be there when it happens and I cannot wait to tell you all about it.

Until then, Happy Holidays, Maligayang Pasko and Happy New Years.

-Steven

As Day Fifty-Two ends, I learned a new concept from the S.L.P. therapist that helped me a lot in understanding Jenny and what to consider for myself moving forward. Jenny has post-traumatic amnesia and will often be disoriented or confused. Jenny might be able to remember Point A and Point B but the path to get from one point to the other may have another memory inserted in. Even though it never happened in real life, to Jenny, it did happen within in her mind and memory.

It finally made sense to me because Jenny would often say memories that do not or cannot link up together but insists they happened. One example is that she remembers she worked in Taiwan but when told she is currently in Canada she would say she drove to Canada on a roadtrip. We had taken a roadtrip together many years back but that was across Canada towards Banff, Alberta. Jenny inserted that road trip memory to an even older memory, and made the claim that she drove across the ocean from Taiwan to Canada which is impossible, but in her mind, it is real.

At Occupational Therapy today, we discovered that even though Jenny cannot open her right eyelid, she can still see through the eye itself. This is absolutely monumental because it means the actual optic nerve was not severed. She can see out her eye but she cannot control the eyelid. However, her right eye is very off-centered and leans heavily towards the right. She cannot control it back to center. We tested the vision in her right eye by blocking her left eye and had her manually open the right eyelid with her left hand. She can see clearly from it, including numbers, colors and shapes.

At Physiotherapy, they continue to test her right arm and it’s current condition. Her right hand cannot make a fist and she cannot rotate her arm palm upwards or palm downwards. She cannot move her arm right and left with her elbow being anchored. She cannot raise her hand past her shoulder. She cannot straighten her right arm at all. If she moves just a little bit further from her current limit, it causes her immense pain. I myself cannot push Jenny to this pain, but the Physiotherapists can. She must go through this pain to recover, or else she will lose her arm function.

As Day Fifty-Three ends, Jenny still is not accepting of Riverview as her new home. She struggled once again with Speech and Language Pathology today. She was not able to match even 50% of the shown words to their pictures and she was not able to follow simple instructions given for basic activities. It was quite a struggle today and after the session she began saying things like

“Why am I here?”

“Why am I like this?”

Which breaks my heart. Jenny was very obviously having a rough start to the day.

At Occupational Therapy & Physiotherapy today, they both continue to push Jenny’s body forward. The pain during the exercises causes her immense pain, but it’s their job and I admire them for it.

However, the pain of her exercises do not compare to the pain Jenny experiences in the night when her body starts recovering. It’s always at the same time frame every night, between 6:15pm and 7:00pm Jenny begins sobbing and crying due to the pain of her body recovering. I know she has an extremely high pain tolerance as we both go to the same Registered Massage Therapist. For those who cannot recall from one of my previous posts, the last time I asked our R.M.T. the difference in pain thresholds between us they rated my pain threshold at a meek 2.5/10 whereas Jenny is an 8/10. Jenny has over three times the pain threshold as I do so I know my mind cannot begin to imagine the pain she experiences every single night. I cannot leave her side as she is crying in pain but the pain also keeps her up late into the night which means I’m kept up late into the night as well. This means that because I cannot leave her side during these moments, I myself also cannot find much time to rest. All of this occurs in succession as a terrible series of events because following the accident and the aftermath of due diligence my life responsibilities quickly begin to snowball out of control. Though I brazenly push forward now, little did I know this continued lack of sleep every night would eventually burn me out of my own life.

But that is for the future Steven to find out.

For today, Jenny was having a very rough time so I offered her something she never expected. After all her therapy sessions were done for the day I asked Jenny if she wanted to visit the chapel at Riverview. I had only found out they had a chapel today and it truly came at a great time of need. Jenny said yes so I pushed her wheelchair to the chapel located on the far opposite end of the complex. She asked to be left alone for a few minutes and I obliged but managed to take one picture of her before I left.