As Day Fifty-Four ends, it was one of the inevitable days where I had to start realizing what position I was in and put all my effort into setting aside my emotions in order to continue proceeding with the due diligence of being an adult following an accident of this magnitude. I spent the day filling out more documents involving Manitoba Public Insurance, Service Canada and Bank/Credit Unions while trying to get the signatures of different physicians and professionals for submission to those institutions. I was all over the city all day long and I did not see Jenny until the evening.

When I did finally arrive, I was so extremely exhausted. I was only running on water as I had not yet eaten a single thing over the entire day as there was no time for me to eat. I did not have food with me and Jenny already had dinner by that time so I was planning to buy something at the cafeteria on-site but I wanted to see Jenny first before I went because Jenny was all I had to look forward to that day. When I did finally walk into her room I saw her looking at the ground and when she noticed me she only glanced at me for a second then looked back towards the ground.

“Why did it take you so long to come here today?”

I had to explain to her I was all over the city doing so many different things. Jenny sort of shrugged it off and continued to be sad. This sadness persisted through the entire evening as I tried to explain to her that it is absolutely necessary all this paperwork needs to be done and of all the people in the world there is only one person that has legal authority to fill out and submit all this paperwork on her behalf and that person was me. Jenny still continued to have a negative attitude anyway simply because I was not able to be with her the entire day.

It is clear that the current Jenny cannot recognize the sacrifices I am making with my time, my body, my mind and my spirit. Instead of being a boon of happiness when I get to see her she instead is making my days dreadful by being bitter whenever I arrive because I cannot constantly spend the entire day with her right now. If I’m doing things on her behalf that require me to move throughout the city I cannot possibly be physically beside her at the rehab center. She does not understand this concept and I am now being guilted for not being there for her. I just have to take it and suffer while blindly pushing myself to continue doing the right thing. As I feel beaten, trapped, unappreciated, thinned out and exhausted I have no choice but to keep going anyway. I keep telling myself no matter how much I am suffering, Jenny is the one who is suffering more and I know she is because every single evening I spend with her at nearly the same time like clockwork she cries in excruciating pain as her body and bones repair itself. I feel helpless while also feeling defeated. Compounded with my accumulating lack of sleep and accumulating lack of food intake I begin to feel the start of a spiraling descent into the looming dread and true exhaustion.

As Day Fifty-Five begins, Jenny’s second weekend at Riverview begins. I received a phone call from Riverview Health Center early in the morning and thought it was a routine call or an update from one of the nurses. To a surprise which shocked me to my core, after I picked up and said

“Hi Riverview.”

I heard an unfamiliar voice say something in the most familiar way possible.

“…honey?”

It was my very first time hearing that particular voice from a phone call since all the way back from September 30th – the day before the accident. To me, time stood still for that brief moment and I went through a rush of countless emotions all at once. Hearing her voice over the phone is such an ordinary concept but after all this time it had so much significance that it is indescribable.

Jenny called me from the Riverview landline and to do this she must have rolled her wheelchair to the front desk and specifically requested to call me with approval and assist from all the staff. I do not remember what I initially responded with nor how long the conversation was but I know it wasn’t long because I do remember saying something along the lines of

“I’m so, so happy to hear your voice like this over the phone but don’t take too much of the nurses and staff time! They need to do their work! I’ll see you later!”

In hindsight, I wish I could sometimes be a bit more selfish and consciously choose to extend significant, grateful moments whenever they occur but my personality and character do not let me act in that manner. I wonder how much happiness I could have provided Jenny by staying on the line just a little bit longer.

When I arrived today she began crying and said she missed me a lot.