Hello again, this is Steven. It has been quite some time since I was last able to write an update for you all.

The last time that I was able to write an update on Jenny, I was already amidst an unprecedented level of despair and grief I had never experienced. As I witnessed Jenny feebly struggle during her first days of rehabilitation, the strength and composure I had built within myself over the past thirty years was put through one of the toughest tests. I promptly learned that I was not as strong as I thought. In fact, I can no longer consider myself ever being strong at all. I foolishly thought that I could continue handling everything following the aftermath of the accident while also documenting Jenny’s progress, advocating for Jenny through recovery and simultaneously handling my life responsibilities on my own. In the end, I could not maintain it. I was eventually overwhelmed as I was not strong enough. I felt like I failed myself but more importantly, I failed Jenny.

Today marks one month of Jenny’s first day undergoing the rehabilitation program at Riverview Health Center. Throughout the first week of Jenny’s rehabilitation, I stood as the sole witness to what Jenny had truly lost from the accident as I was the last person to see her before she left. I could see the incredible distance she would have to push and endure to reobtain what she lost but the goal to become who she once was no longer exists because it is no longer attainable. There are impacts from the accident that Jenny cannot recover from. It is now the focus to get back as much as she can instead. That is what life has left Jenny to bargain with and the price to pay is so unbelievably high that it’s disgustingly unfair and yet, Jenny has no choice but to pay it anyway.

As a simple witness standing on the sidelines of Jenny’s first few weeks in rehabilitation, I could not handle what I observed. The amount of pain, the amount of screams and the amount of tears I saw from her tore me apart. The tears shared between only us behind closed doors were the most unbearable.

As time passed in these early days of rehabilitation, Jenny’s spirit and motivation would waver. I tried my best to stay as strong as I could to help guide her. During this critical time, I had continued receiving bad news upon terrible news in other aspects of my life. Quickly, it came to the inevitable outcome where I had depleted every ounce of energy I had left and could not find a chance to recover. I felt that I had no more strength to push forward and I had no one to lean on for help. My body, mind and spirit reached its limit and I shut down. I stopped caring about my health. I no longer ate properly. I no longer slept properly. I no longer performed any basic, daily tasks. I no longer cared about my mental state. I simply stopped caring about myself entirely. All I could do at this point was force myself to continue being beside Jenny. Even as an empty husk and having nothing left, I tried to stay focused on encouraging and supporting her.

One piece of news that I received during this time was that her brother’s Emergency Visa application was rejected. When I got this news, I knew it meant that I would not be receiving any reprieve moving forward. As you may recall from earlier posts, Jenny has no family in Canada and receiving this news during this time of Jenny’s rehabilitation was devastating.

Through my upbringing, the concept of asking for help was so ingrained in me to be absolutely unacceptable that against all logic I still feel I should knowingly and foolishly accept defeat and crumble away before ever seeking help. When push finally comes to shove and when it really comes down to having to ask for help or perish, I’ve learned where my character truly lies. I am indeed a tragic fool as I knowingly let myself become broken instead of asking for help. Though Jenny has friends in Winnipeg and I have family, I just could not ask for help. I had finally reached my limit and I could no longer continue with what I was so desperately trying to maintain.

With a broken spirit, a heavy heart and painful remorse I admitted defeat and let myself crumble away. Along with other aspects of my life there was no more progress. I no longer had the strength to move forward and I did not have the strength to continue writing updates about Jenny.

And so, days passed.

Then a week passed.

Then another week passed.

Then another two weeks passed.

And now, on this very day, December 20, 2023, a month has passed.

From my fallen place of despair, failure and defeat, with all my strength gone and nothing left to carry on, I still forced my body to be beside Jenny every day. I continued keeping track of each bit of progress with her steps moving forward and her steps moving backward because I know that with this knowledge, Jenny can one day look back and see her journey.

From her, I am beginning to learn what true strength really is as I continue to watch Jenny push forward through her pain, her screams and her tears. No matter what is thrown at any of us, the one thing we can learn from Jenny is what true strength really is. 

Life will always continue to move on and it does not stop for anyone no matter how painful or how unfair. We must simply keep pushing forward no matter the circumstance and catch up to it even if we are set back. 

The fact that you are reading this right now means you share this corner of the world with Jenny and I. You are a part of her journey and you are a witness to Jenny’s strength. She still does not understand the scope of how many people around the world are watching, following and supporting her but she continues to push forward every day regardless of that information because that is just who she is. I have been keeping track of her journey every day, both the good and the bad. As I take my time to begin writing it all, I hope you can begin understanding what true strength is through Jenny and hopefully stay afloat during any uncertain and worrying times in your lives. 

Thank you for being so patient with me, thank you for your continued support and thank you for choosing to follow Jenny in her long journey to recovery.

Lastly, I would like to dedicate this update to my uncle from England who I just learned a few minutes ago lost his battle with cancer and has passed on. He was a man who went above and beyond taking care of me when I could visit England and raised his own family to all do the same. Though he never had a chance to meet Jenny, he knew of her story and supported her. Your incredible strength will carry on – Rest in peace, Dai Bak.