As Day Thirty-Nine ends, Doctor [Redacted upon request] came early in the morning and assessed Jenny for the stomach peg insertion. After review, it was determined that Jenny is not able to consume enough calories orally so they are moving forward with the stomach peg operation. By the time I came in today the operation was already finished and Jenny was resting but when she woke up she said she was in a lot of pain. I asked her if she wanted painkiller medicine right away and she said yes so I hit the call button to alert her assigned nurse. Sadly, the nurse did not come for approximately 20 minutes and those 20 minutes were the most dreadful in recent memory because shortly after I hit the call button Jenny would start audibly crying out in pain. Jenny and I go to the same Registered Massage Therapist and I was told Jenny is able to handle at least two and a half times more tension than I can so I know the pain Jenny was feeling would be incomprehensible to me and I could do nothing but witness her cry while waiting for the nurse to arrive. As I patiently waited I kept reminding myself that Jenny is just one of many thousands of patients in the hospital and I tried my best to keep that in mind but after just 5 minutes I was becoming extremely stressed out as to why no one was showing up. Jenny would keep pulling me close, look at me with tears in her eyes and say

“Please.”

And there was nothing I could do but say

“The nurse is coming soon, just wait a little longer.”

And she would lean back while looking so sad and defeated while immensely suffering.

After 10 minutes I went into the hallway and quickly walked room to room looking for her assigned nurse. Once I found them, they were with another patient and I asked if they could come to Jenny’s room as soon as possible and they responded “Ok I’m going there next just wait” with a hint of annoyance and so all I could do then was go back to the Jenny’s room and continue to wait.

What nearly pushed me over the edge of my wits was when the nurse finally arrived they actually went to the other patient in the room first. This patient was having no issues and while the nurse was doing the other patients routine checks Jenny was less than 2 meters away still audibly crying out in pain. I have no idea why the nurse went to the other patient in the room first but I could do nothing but sit there in growing frustration, anger and disbelief. I had to clench my jaws tight while trying to keep my blood pressure from spiking further and kept telling myself to be as calm as possible to stop myself from saying certain phrases that would get me in trouble. All I could do was hold onto Jenny and keep telling her the nurse is coming soon. I also had to keep reminding myself that I should consider myself lucky enough that Jenny is able to be in this hospital, in Canada, with our healthcare system in place but I really have no idea why the nurse went to the other patient first when Jenny was so visibly, audibly and noticeably in extreme pain.

Eventually, when the nurse came, they actually asked Jenny “Are you in pain?” and that was the single highest point where I felt the most hostility because for about five minutes this nurse could audibly hear Jenny crying out in pain literally less than 2 meters away. Then the nurse left the room one more time to get her pain medication. This took another three minutes. Finally they came back and gave Jenny the pain medication and eventually, Jenny fell asleep for the rest of the night. I had to thank this specific nurse for their help through clenched teeth.

This was the very first time I felt any ounce of anger, resentment or hostility towards someone on the hospital floor. I know I must always be thankful for what Jenny has access to in this hospital and the help she is able to receive. I need to be grateful for the healthcare system in place but because of what I witnessed today there is so much turmoil within myself. I am extremely upset because I know logically I need to be thankful for what Jenny has access to but my irrational, emotional side is overwhelmingly outraged because of how Jenny was treated today. Furthermore, because I acknowledge both sides of this logic and emotion I am able to see that I am 100% wrong to feel this animosity as in the end Jenny is still being helped but it just causes further frustration that I still feel this animosity in the first place then there is even more compounded frustration because I know my reaction is incorrect.